I apologize, that I cannot cheer you up enough to clear away the storm clouds looming over your head.
I apologize, that I must keep apologizing-
I am malfunctioning, incapable of proper action or response.
My instincts are numbed, and I cannot see very far.
The only things I see are ways away from the immediate problems and pain
I wish I could relieve your stress,
And evaporate your worries.
I have no reassurances that everything will be okay,
Just that… I know things will get better somehow.
I wish I had a pocket of convenient money,
To pay everything we need in comfort.
So that you can stay here where you are happy
And I can go home and come back with enough of a balance
That I neither miss you until I break,
Or feel empty without the friends that my center consists of.
I wish I knew the perfect words-
That my body didn’t exacerbate my insecurities- fears- depression.
I used to act like superwoman
But I am not that girl,
And I can no longer pretend.
I am not sure I am sorry that you won’t ever know her-
Then again, she wasn’t real
And I can only hold so much.